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The worst part is that the men you seem to check out are way out of your league. Yeah, you show up to workout but I’ve watched you and most of the time, all you do is cruise other guys. Just looking at you, I can tell you don’t. It’s just that I take care of my body and spend a lot of time focusing on my health. I’m not trying to judge you or anything, really. There’s really no kind way to say this so I’ll just come right out with it. It’s because I have a hard time respecting you. It’s not because I have a boyfriend or anything like that. I didn’t have the guts to tell you this at the gym but I won’t be going with you to see the Cubs. Bruce asked the gentleman out on a date, and after exchanging contact information, he received this message in his inbox: In an extreme example, Bruce, a 35-year-old man living in Chicago, was called a “fat pig” by another member of his gym. While Peitzman says that the majority of these incidents amounted to concern trolling-hurtful comments disguised as life advice-others lacked even the veneer of friendliness. “I can tell you that one person I tried to date helpfully offered, ‘You could be really attractive if you lost some weight.’” “I can tell you that when I lost 15 pounds due to depression, a well-meaning older gay man told me I had done the right thing,” he writes. In a BuzzFeed article from 2013, Louis Peitzman argued while the LGBT community might preach to its youth that “It Gets Better,” the message for plus-size queers isn’t so hopeful. These politics of exclusion leave many feeling left out of a community that, after coming out, they hoped would embrace them.
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Gay men face enormous pressure to fit into a very narrow view of beauty-often defined on hookup apps like Grindr and Scruff by the groups they leave out: “No Fats, No Femmes.” Because it’s hard to speak with accuracy about the habits and preferences of an entire community, this is a generalization, but it’s one that is often true. In the ’90s sitcom Will and Grace, there’s an old joke that men could be considered skinny by straight standards but labeled fat among their gay peers. These forms of everyday discrimination most commonly included “rejection by potential romantic partners on the basis of weight.”įor instance, were a “fat” gay man to approach someone in a bar, Foster-Gimbel and Engeln found that there was a “greater likelihood that the overweight man would be blatantly ignored, treated rudely, or mocked behind his back” than a heterosexual male of the same size. Have you ever been told you’re too fat for Grindr? A recent study from the Psychology of Sexual Orientation and Gender Diversity shows you’re not alone.Īccording to researchers Olivia Foster-Gimbel and Renee Engeln, one-third of the gay men they surveyed reported experiencing “anti-fat bias”-even among those who weren’t classified as overweight by the Body Mass Index.